Habits of Body and Mind

My husband has a habit of giving me flowers.  How cool is that!  Today is Valentine’s Day, and waiting for me in the early morning was a beautiful orchid, with luscious gold and purple flowers, and many buds to come.

 

I have also picked up this habit, so next to the orchid was a spring bouquet I had gotten for him. This kind of habit brings joy and, well yes, love and connection. Sweet.

But giving flowers is not the only kind of habit. Some have more challenged!   I have had the habit of sleeping on my stomach — I slept that way  for the first 50 years of my life!  Loved it.  Then I learned that side sleeping is better for back, neck… It was hard to make the switch, because those age-old patterns have deep grooves.

But now, with the shoulder injuries I am experiencing, several body workers are in agreement that sleeping on my side will prolong the healing process, maybe even prevent full recovery.  To be in proper alignment for healing, I need to sleep on, oh no, my back!  I have never slept on my back, and actually thought it wasn’t such a good thing.  But it’s clearly called for at this point.  That’s already a lesson:  things aren’t the way they seem, what fits and works, maybe even for decades, may no longer serve.  Are there habits, ideas, beliefs, like that in your life?  Anything up right now for you?

Trying to develop this new habit, I have been though a very rough week — full of fatigue, frustration, concern, humility, and illumination.  A whopping AFGO.  Remember those? “Another Fricking Growth Opportunity”!

I used to pride myself (oops, not so good, eh?) on having pretty good control over my mind at night.  I have practices  and visualizations to relax, to calm my body and mind, and get rest even if I’m not able to fall asleep right away.  I do pretty well on airplanes, don’t experience much jet lag, because I say to myself, relaxed rest is almost as good as sleep.

Well, on my back all this flew out the window.  I attempted my practices, and soon found myself distracted by thoughts, plagued by body sensations: “I can’t do this, it is uncomfortable.  Is it really necessary? I’ll never be able to sleep well again…”  My body got restless, I flopped around, felt exposed and un-cozy on my back, the pain in the shoulders loomed larger than in the daytime…  You get the picture.  I didn’t sleep much for five days.  Fatigue writ large.  And sleep is vital for healing, so I was becoming frustrated and concerned.

On the sixth day I awoke and said to myself, “I can’t seem do this, not by myself. The usual tools aren’t working.”  Humility.  I am not in charge the way my ego believes I am.

There are forces, and habits are a prime example, that really run us, sometimes to the ground.  At those times, under stress, our mind tends to run in the same grooves.  (A superb reference in this area, with resources, and tools for immediate use,  is Laurel Mellin‘s Emotional Brain Training manual, Wired for Joy.)

Brainstorming with Mike: I need to try something different.  Illumination. I do not have to do this alone, in the dark, by myself, on my back!  We have a friend who works with hypnotherapy, and other subtle approaches to break deleterious habits.  I’ll call Larry to begin to connect different circuits, enlist my unconscious, make other resources available!

Hey, and you know what? Maybe I’ll take some sleeping pills to help me get some needed rest while I am rewiring my mind and body to the new situation. And maybe I’ll ask Silent Unity to pray for me, my healing, and for help in this transition. I’m used to listing family and friends names with Unity.  It felt odd but right to ask for help for myself.

Well that day I got some sleeping pills, and signed up with Unity.  A day later, I booked an appointment with Larry.
I have slept well for several nights now, the pain continues to abate.  I feel as though the combination of giving up my pride, my sense of being in control (wait, haven’t I already learned this one?  Oh, right.  It’s never ending, this journey!),  thinking outside my usual habit boxes, asking for help, recognition of the immense power of habits of mind and body, have put me on a new course.  Don’t know where it will go, of course, I’m not in charge here.  But breaking free from old habits is quite a trip!

How does all this sit with you?  Do you have ruts, patterns, habits that are deeply grooved?  I’d love to hear your comments and experience.

And Happy Valentines Day.  May love enfold and surround you, heal and bless you.

Jill Schroder is the author of BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity.  BECOMING is an invitation for self -reflection, and to mine our memorable moments  for insights, meaning, and growth.  Check the website for a sample chapter, or see the reviews to get a flavor for the volume.  Your feedback is most welcome.

Pain and Gain

One of the pleasures of my trip to Austria, besides the glorious, exhilarating snowfall we had,

was taking grandkids Lilly and Nick to school in the morning.  The next to last day however, as Lilly and I were navigating down the steep hill to her Kindergarten, I slipped on a patch of ice.  Since we were holding hands, Lilly went down too.  We laughed as we picked ourselves up.

Lilly was fine, but I had put my hand out to catch myself, and that sent a shock wave into my right shoulder, which has remained.  Good thing is that my right shoulder now matches the left one, which is still a bit compromised from an event last year. (That’s a joke. I would have been fine with just one shoulder hurting!)

Dealing with the new injury (and also several older injuries I currently still have), has been most illuminating.  I am holding the vision that I will be able to ski with the grandkids next year (even though it seemed wise to refrain this year), and that my knee and shoulders will be pain free and fully functional again.  This may not happen, of course, but in addition to physiotherapy and other alternative approaches, I am also using visualizations and healing imagery to support the recovery.  This practice is already making a difference.  It’s my belief, and understanding, that the thoughts and images we entertain, as well as the flow of emotions we experience, create a cellular environment that can hamper or aid the healthy functioning of our bodies.  Bruce Lipton’s groundbreaking book, The Biology of Belief outlines the mechanisms by which this happens.

Here’s how it unfolded. At first, when I felt a twinge of pain in the joint, my response was to cringe, contract, maybe even utter a slight curse under my breath.  I would sometimes have a thought such as ‘this really hurts, maybe it will never get better…’ and this would telescope the pain out into something much larger  than it actually was, and make the pain take up more space in my awareness, last longer, and sometimes morph into fear.

Then I realized what I was doing, and saw how it was actually heightening my experience of injury.  So with some intention and focus, I have (mostly!) switched the dynamic.  I now use any pain that I sense as an anchor and reminder to breathe deeply, relax, and invite healing energy to the area.  And that’s part of what I mean by ‘gain’!  It has really made an amazing difference.  I can actually observe the pain shift, soften, and at times dissipate altogether.

A ‘coincidence’ occurred a few days ago.  Or maybe not.  I like the notion there are no coincidences.  (Elisabeth Kubler Ross (and numerous others):  ”There are no mistakes, no coincidences.  All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”)

I began to read Eckhart Tolle’s article, Breaking Free, in the January edition of Vancouver’s Common Ground.   Tolle was talking about breaking free from emotional pain, and the “Pain Body” that we all carry around with us, an accumulation from early hurts and old patterns.  But the concept and practice of ‘breaking free’ applies very well to physical pain also.  As I read, I immediately sensed how the piece related directly to me at this moment in time.

Tolle, and many other teachers as well, suggest that if we can be with our pain, (or anger, or fear, or judgement, or any physical or psychic injury), and watch it, rather than completely identifying with it, (as is typical, and just what I was doing before), we can create some space around it.  It does not take us over in the same way; we are not trapped in its tentacles.  This practice has also been very helpful and allowed me to experience significant shifts in the pain.  (See also Jon Kabat-Zinn’s work, helpful to thousands of people with chronic distress, on how mindfulness can transform our experience of pain.)  I feel like I am clearly on the mend, and am most grateful for teachers and practitioners and the qualities of mindfulness.  (And I am not averse to the occasional hit of ibuprofen if needed!)

We are so much more and larger than any given experience, and from this expanded consciousness, we can see and hold other possibilities, such as the opportunity for mindfulness, breath, love, and healing.

Well, the Chinese Year of the Dragon has just begun.  According to tradition the Dragon brings in the Four Blessings of the East: wealth, virtue, harmony and longevity.  Another site says, “This year, we should give love, love, and love. And love will return to us. The whole universe will glow of love energy.”

May it be so.

Jill Schroder is the author of BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity.  BECOMING is an invitation for self -reflection, and to mine our memorable moments  for insights, meaning, and growth.  Check the website for a sample chapter, or see the reviews to get a flavor for the volume.  Your feedback is most welcome.

SNOW!!

It was a lovely way to bring in the new year:  on January 1 I flew to Europe to spend time with family… first stopping in Bavaria to visit my former husband and good friend Wolf and his wife Angelka, who had her birthday the day after I arrived.  Wolf prepared a yummy risotto with homemade pesto to celebrate. Now that’s a treat!  In southern Germany the grass was a spring-like green, the temperatures mild and there was no sign of winter at all.

A day later I took the train to Austria where my son Martin, wife Moni and two grandchildren, Nick 6, and Lilly, soon to be 5, make their home, nestled in the mountains, with a stunning view across the Inn valley.  Taking the train in Europe is always a pleasure — they are on time, clean, run frequently, are reasonably priced and well used.  Why don’t we in North America get it?

As we rolled deeper into the Alps, climbing steadily, winter descended around us.  I was struck by how quiet it was.  I’ve worn hearing aids for several years now, and I thought hmmm, maybe my hearing has gotten several stages worse since I was last here, because I hardly hear the clickety clack of the wheels at all.  It was almost silent, and the white world wrapped itself more deeply around us as we rolled along.  I later learned that it was, at least in part, the snow, that dampened the clickity clack, and contributed to the peaceful, almost other-worldly ride.

Lilly and Nick were waiting with mom on the platform to greet me, and ran full steam into my arms for what we like to call a “jump up hug.”  If you’re into Attachment Theory, I think jump-up hugs qualify as a great example of  ’self-attachment’ (a form of warm and healthy connecting after infancy), and I highly recommend them.  They are heart opening and exhilarating for all parties involved

Well, a couple of days after I arrived, and happily after pilot son Martin had returned safely from a new year’s trip to Johannesburg and Nairobi, the snows began in earnest.

For two days and two nights, and then some more after that, the white came down, steadily, almost without let up. At times blowing sideways, coating the trees with a thick layer of icing, piling up on the railings of the houses, the roof of the bird feeder, filling up the driveway, the stairway, the path to the compost…blowing and drifting. Reports had it that there had never been that much or deep snow in this little village in recent memory.

Many, if not all, of the people who live in the mountain towns and villages welcome the great white.  The tourists who have come from far and wide for cross country and downhill skiing certainly do,  And the snow clearing, ski hill and trail preparation are impressive.  For our part, we shovelled, and shovelled, and shovelled some more!  During the blizzard, and after it finally stopped, the world was wondrous. We enjoyed together many of the winter pleasures, including toasty fires and hot chocolate on returning home with ruddy cheeks and tired bodies.

One afternoon I took a walk by myself up the road behind their house.  The trees were still cloaked in white, the ground soft, the afternoon light shining through the conifers created a peaceful, ethereal world. It is a fine balance, and precious…enough snow, but not too much.

There is much that seems out of balance in our world today, over abundance and too much or not enough… I hold hopes and offer prayers that events in 2012 will build on the courageous uprisings around the world last year and further the movement toward sanity, equity, sustainability…

I felt blessed and grateful for the reflective, gentle, yes even magical, time in the woods, for the connection with family, for the opportunity to talk, play, eat, read, work, exercise together…  And check out the igloo we built as the temperatures warmed, and the snow turned from powdery to sticky.  Cool, eh?

May your new year be rich with highlights and insights, may you find your own ways to be part of the great turning our  communities, cities, countries, and planet so desperately need.

Jill Schroder is the author of BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity.  BECOMING makes a perfect gift  — an invitation for self -reflection, and to mine our memorable moments  for insights, meaning, and growth.  Perfect for new beginnings, birthdays, or any time of year.

Make a Joyful Noise!

Just recently we had our annual Christmas Choir Concert.  An inspiring feature this year was singing the Gloria, from Schubert’s Mass in A Flat.  Do go listen to at least the first few minutes.  The message is rich and timeless:  ”Glory to God, and on Earth, Peace and Good Will to All.”

Whether you honor G(g)od, the Mystery, Nature, Love, or Life, being in touch with our joy, and making a joyful noise is a splendid way to celebrate... even as we also acknowledge the dark — in the world, and at this time of year.  It invites us to remember that light,  joy, love, are always present, and we can invite them into our hearts and lives at any moment.

So here, for you, are some wonderful ways people are Making a Joyful Noise

Do you like saxaphones and/or Deck the Halls? check this out.

Take heart with this Hallelujah Chorus way north in Alaska.

Like to laugh?  I did that a lot during this one:  Singing tweeted tips on how to keep warm, set to music from Carmina Burana — especially if you know or have sung it!

Apropos Joy:  I have recently taken a course called Wired for Joy, which uses cutting edge neuroscience to show us how to create more joy in our lives. The approach is called Emotional Brain Training (EBT).  Premise: the ways we create and handle the stress and difficulties in our lives were wired in our brains very early, and these old, outworn neuropathways run us, unless we re-train our brain to move through stress and back to well-being and joy. Good news:  this is absolutely possible and feasible!

Apropos celebration and giving:  that wily old western Zen Buddhist, Alan Watts, says in his The Book:  On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are,  is that we are an inseparable part of the whole, deeply interconnected, and what we give is not worth much unless it comes from a place of enjoyment and acceptance.  (You can actually read a short version here.)

Finally, I have to put in a plug for my nephew, Joe Kremer, and his band Pterodactyl.  They’re just finishing up a cross-country tour, and played in Vancouver on Dec. 1.  One cool song, with a masterful video to match, is called The Break.  Joyful noises, I’d say!!  :-)

May your holidays be bright, full of love, warmth, music, peace, memorable moments, and great JOY!

Jill Schroder is the author of BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity.  BECOMING makes a perfect gift  — an invitation for self -reflection, and to mine our memorable moments, for meaning and growth.  Perfect for Christmas or any time of year.

Holding It All…

Over the last couple of days I have immersed myself in the NOVA series called The Elegant Universe, and capped it off with a recent episode entitled The Fabric of the Cosmos, all about String Theory and Quantum Mechanics, as intrepreted in Brian Greene’s book by the same name.  Oh m’gosh, do we live in a fantastic universe! I don’t want to imply that I understand this really, but Greene presents an accessible, popular version that is tantalizing.

Whether or not these notions turn out to be the long sought “Theory of Everything,”  I am enthralled by these considerations – by the uncertainty, by the mind-stretching, usual reality-blowing implications of what is currently our best guess at the nature of reality operating all around us, and yes, within us!

Another thing that intrigues me is the link to the mystical and spiritual dimensions.  Last weekend, I listened to Hameed Ali, aka A. H. Almaas, author of numerous spiritual books, presenting some of his current work.  Perhaps, or perhaps not, coincidentally, the deepest dimensions of reality experienced by Ali, (and the Buddha as well) have strong similarities to the views emerging in cutting edge quantum physics. I am inclined to think it is no coincidence.  Our nature, indeed the nature of everything, is a mysterious, self-generating, dynamic flow, with no end…

I have one more weekend to go, and am very much looking forward to the second session, working with fellow students, using the practice of Inquiry, continuing to explore our own inner lives as we are led on a journey to explore the deepest nature of reality.

In the interim between the two sessions, Mike and I have been staying in a lovely home on a sweet, small island in the Canadian waters between Vancouver and Nanaimo, called Gabriola.  It has been a delicious few days, and an anniversary (our 13th last week!) get-away to remember for years to come.  What privilege, what luxury we are experiencing and sharing.

We have met to walk and inquire with friends, have had fine food, (a wood-fire pizza of prociutto, sage, brie, and sun-dried tomatoes, oh my goodness), strenuous workouts in a great little gym; we have enjoyed a warm fire, some beautiful and some blustery weather – both rich to experience, and the two cats, Mitoche and Moxie, that Mike is here to sit, (as well as the house. while the owners vacation in Mexico).  Gracie is a feral cat that the owners also feed, and protect from a big, bold Tom, called Mango Pickles

We watched the news one evening, and were both glad, afterwards, that we do not have a TV.  Hearing that the high-up executives of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are being given whalloping big bonuses after ripping off the American people to the tune of billions and billions and getting bailed out by the same, that the Occupy movements are being forcefully evicted in many places — and that we are no closer to resolving the state of growing inequity so plaguing our times, learning that the Harper government is pressing ahead to build the Enbridge Pipeline) the Canadian equivalent of the Keystone XL, meanwhile promoting farmed salmon aquaculture even as they are denying and repressing the tests revealing ISA in BC waters, the same lethal virus that has devastated wild and farmed salmon around the world, and so on…were a radical jolt to the rest and respite, peaceful and probing places.

I have been hanging out — relishing the quiet of this island abode; the clean, crispness of the November air, the slanty, golden light, the rasberries and curly kale still for gathering in the garden; the multi-colored stones on the beach cast against the slippery kelp and the red and gold leaves… and I am filled with gratitude for all the people who are risking their lives and livelihoods that the world be a safer, saner, more just and healthy place…

Taken all together, the above could have a tendency to be crazy-making, stultifying, numbing… at the very least confusing, and in some ways deeply disturbing.  In other ways, this jumble of privilege and suffering, inner and outer, peaceful and revolutionary, is a call to Hold It All, as the title of this piece says; to realize there is no way to understand or manage what is unfolding…, no way to ’fix’ the problems or even to know what would be ‘best’ for the whole situation, if there were such a thing.

I, and we all, have, as always, the challenge and opportunity to simply be with, sit quietly, in mindfulness, with compassion, gratitude, humilty, to allow and accept.  Then to listen to the inner voice, the call or sense of guidance, toward the action that, on our part, may be called for, appropriate, or simply offered.

Jill Schroder is the author of BECOMING: Journeying Toward Authenticity. Check the website for a sample chapter, or see the reviews to get a flavor for the volume.